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November's Straitjacket

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kfjaskdfjsijfkdsjf [20 Jun 2007|11:25pm]
damn IT, screwed over AGAIN! i didn't know the switchyard festival was this FRIDAY?!!?!? DAMN IT! why do i keep missing awesome shows!?

sighhhh. USE doesn't play too many all ages shows and gahh...GAHHH.
too friggin late to make arrangements. well. pitchfork's still weeks away, still got time to convince parents to let me go. oh shit, and erica too.
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plah? [18 Jun 2007|10:28pm]
(at the parking lot of pat's pantry)

Erica: (pointing at Cindy's shirt) ooo three days!
Cindy: Oh, hey, whatever. You were wearing that yesterday!
Erica: But at least not for three days!
Cindy: (points to me) She wore that the last time I saw her!
Erica: (points to Matt) He wore that the first time I saw him!
Me: (examining Matt's shirt) I really like that cat...

(the three of us then collectively take interest in Matt's "garden of love" t-shirt)

haha i dunno. i thought this conversation seemed amusing so i wanted to record it...although it doesnt seem a hundred percent accurate in my head
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another college-ridden entry [11 Jun 2007|11:19pm]
er i am revising my list of colleges to consider

1. University of Iowa
2. Ohio State University
3. University of Wisconsin-Madison
4. University of Michigan at Ann Arbor
5. U of I at Champagne-Urbana
6. Oberlin University (in Ohio)
7. Carnegie-Mellon University (in Pittsburgh)
8. Northwestern University
9. University of Chicago
10. University of Notre Dame

the changes are in numbers 8 and 10

I'm still shaky on the extra-curriculars, seeing that I'm going to do a shitload next year to make up for my lack of involvement.

Liberal Arts and Sciences (U of I) : ACT (26-30) / SAT (1210-1390) / Rank (85-96%)

University of Chicago and Northwestern will be hard though. Damn it. Turns out only 8% of University of Chicago has an SAT 1 score of around 1280. I feel kind of lame, knowing that.

I also looked up veterinary medicine for U of I, which was hard because I thought it said it was under "College of Veterinary Medicine" which would've made sense but it happens to also be under ACES so here are the stats for that:

ACT: 25 - 28
SAT 1: 1160 - 1310
Class rank: 75% - 92%

Bleh. College makes my head hurt. And it sucks a lot of inspiration out of me. I'm going to go look at other things. Like...Daria episodes. I love pirating tv shows.
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sadfsj [02 Jun 2007|10:34pm]
oo i used the magic of the "reverse phone directory" to find the weird people who have been calling me

someone called me around 7.
and so i looked it up and found the last name KREITER?!??!?
i should be frightened that anyone with that last name has called me.
and then i tried to find who was the other mystery person but website said it was an unindentifiable cell phone number.
one website said it was from arlington heights and the other said it was from northbrook.

i'm confused. and then i amused myself by looking up jamie's phone number.
but nevertheless it is time for calculus. erg.
oh yeah, now i remember why i got my phone out.
to ask david what did he put in his project...
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asfasdfasdfjk [25 May 2007|03:38pm]
i got my ACT scores back!!! it's a 30!!! yayyyy!!!

haha i know the goal was a 32 but my dad sort of lowered his standards a bit.
sweet. now i can get my license without my parents badgering me about my score.
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HMMM [19 May 2007|11:03am]
i have numbers on my cell phone i dont even recognize...

1-847-359-3346 ?!?!?

OH SHIT. i just realized...that might be erica's mom's cell phone number.
hahaha oh man i called that number and asked for friggin KIERSTEN


okay. i'm done.
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[13 May 2007|10:42am]
a minute ago i seriously considered just throwing everything away

i don't really know how much longer i can live with dad
i mean, maybe right now i'm just overreacting, but i honestly think he's insane.
i suppose later i'll think more reasonably about things, but god dammit i just hate how he's such a fucking unempathetic, narrow-minded asshole

because of how intense things are right now with school, i can sort of anticipate dad's anger going through the roof
so there might be a day when i'll need to run off to someone's house
last time i went to devon's...but because i went there last time that's probably one of the first places they'd hit
missy's in naperville and that's a little too far to run off to
erica's house is too close. so is cindy's. erg.
maybe dinan, they don't know where he lives.

i dont really know what made me so panicky right now. i'll probably calm down later. like suddenly i got distracted from studying and started thinking about how dad's a fucking asshole...but maybe i'm just being selfish again and i just need to deal with things the way they are for now before i move out in a year.

ah, sorry i'm just really confused.
just another year i suppose. i just need to be able to last until i graduate. okay, so yeah, i'm not being physically abused or anything like that. it's just that i feel terrible whenever i come into this house and there's nothing i can really do to stop feeling that way. and i've been trying not to feel that way by getting out of the house more, but that just makes things even worse with my parents because they HATE it when i go out so...ah, shit.

once i graduate and pick whatever university, which might unfortunately be chosen for me, damn it...if i get forced into going to u of i at champagne i'll just attend until i raise enough money to transfer to somewhere else.
this sounds utterly silly but i wish i signed up for that Living On Your Own class for senior year so i have some idea how i'm going to get through things like getting my own apartment and everything...because as soon as i know where i'm going, i'm getting the fuck out of the house. i don't like coming home to where someone's going to start screaming at me. if they have such a problem with me being their responsibility...i'll make myself my own responsibility as soon as i can, i'll promise them that.
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veeeerrr [04 May 2007|10:52pm]
oi devon, good news.

according to princeton review, i'm a shoo-in for u of wisconsin-madison.
but i looked up the tuition and it's like fucking $30,000.

money makes me saaaad.
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like i know what to say [04 May 2007|09:43pm]

this guy is even more amazing when he goes on stage barefoot and dressed in white
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eeeeep [15 Apr 2007|04:47pm]
Okay so I guess instead I am applying for liberal arts, with maybe minors in design and creative writing. This, as of now, the final list of the following schools I'm considering, which I put in order of easiest to toughest to get into:

1. University of Iowa
2. Ohio State University
3. Madison University
4. University of Michigan
5. U of I at Champagne-Urbana
6. Oberlin University (in Ohio)
7. Carnegie-Mellon University (in Pittsburgh)
8. Washington University at St. Louis
9. University of Chicago
10. Yale University

I most likely will not get into Yale haha. My class rank and GPA set me back a bit (if I had Dinan's then I don't think I would have a fucking problem. He fucking ranks number 1 and has a GPA of 5...and I'm like...79 and 4.3...damn it!). But I will definitely apply to Yale, for kicks.
Dad was nicer today :) I guess it's awkward for him to share interests with his children for reasons I don't really know, but he can get very excited about our futures if we're enthusiastic enough.
ACT in two weeks. Going for that fucking 32! Which will lead to all sorts of goodies...like oh my gah my driver's license...then I can finally take the Camry and drive places yay.

DEVON. Compare your list with mine then we shall see where they intersect, other than Madison and Ohio State.
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erg sleep is weird [14 Apr 2007|08:19pm]
Hmm. I fell sleep this afternoon and kept waking up with a weird buzzing feeling all around my neck and my back and all over the place...which has happened before, but when I finally I tried to wake up, I was scared as hell because my eyes wouldn't open completely so I saw this derranged version of the ceiling...and I thought the music playing on my computer was going nuts because I thought I was hearing a skipping record...except it was SCREAMING so I was like...ahhhhhhh....

I don't really know what the point of this is. Perhaps it is that I don't think I like naps anymore.


I think I'd appreciate novels more if school didn't place requirements on time for them. They'd be like...read five chapters by monday...and then everyone goes scrambling to skim over the pages and end up with some weird water-downed version in their minds. Huck Finn is actually funny...but I'd appreciate it more if I could take my time to get through it all and understand it like I want to. Er...iono...

I want to see HALF NELSON. I have never seen a movie with Ryan Gosling but I hear he is amazing.

I'm starting to think that the dandies' album Welcome to the Monkey House might have been meant as some sort of unobvious tribute to David Bowie. Interesting? I dunno. I'm just putting words here because I FEEL LIKE IT.

Now back to read stuff.
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akfjd;sf! [29 Mar 2007|02:36am]
hey shit, ted leo and the pharmacists are coming to chicago next month...

anyone wanna come see them with me?
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eh [25 Mar 2007|10:45pm]
hmm. how devastating. i seemed to have lost a good number of record breakers' receipts. which i use as bookmarks. i dont know what has happened to them. they are either lost in school or somewhere in that shithole of a library 'cause mom has to take books back every now and then to renew them.

my room on fire receipt from august 8th, 2004 i think has some sentimental value. i mean, i can remember everything that happened that day. or at least, i think i do.

maybe i'm just being overly attached to pieces of paper. eh.

spring break has been going okay so far. erica and i had some good fun on myspace and then ran off to mitsuwa yesterday. today was just nothing but sleeping.
everyone seems to be out places so yeah, leave a comment, for those of you who read this shit, and tell me if you're going to be around this week.

can't do anything tomorrow though. going downtown to shop and look at university of chicago, then northwestern. ooo devon, maybe you and i can get together soon to go visit Madison. yeah?

ultra sonic edukators is a great band. i just listened to some songs i hadn't heard before and they are AMAZING.
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haha wow [22 Mar 2007|08:34pm]
hey so for some reason i was in the mood to listen to the lovely recording of "Go to Eli"

and i think i felt something explode in my right ear.

i think when erica and i make the fakespace we should definitely put the song on there, just to freak people out.
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woahhh term paper woahhhh [21 Mar 2007|03:00am]
haha i finished my term paper rough draft
god that was hell

but the good kind where i was like LALALA MORE BEATLES ALBUMS BRING IT THE FUCK ON

im totally not thinking straight
i drew something weird just now
i think it's sarcastic
i meant to draw a sunset but then i made the rays into barbed wires and put a drunk girl over the sun and some...smoke...er...i think i wanted to draw global warming afterwards but im not quite sure?

i totally need to watch that movie...uh...oh yeah, an inconceivable truth

woot, al gore!

(the one who SHOULD have been president! damn it!)
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peh? [17 Mar 2007|12:13am]
yeah. i tried listening to that song again (without the video) and it still sounds shitty.
although i'm starting to identify some traces of KOL elements...? eh?
the repetition of "be there" though still makes me cringe though.
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overconfidence? pfft. [25 Feb 2007|05:30pm]
i just realized that i'm going to dominate the SAT

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i dont want anybody else, when i think about you i touch myself [23 Feb 2007|09:13pm]

aqua teen hunger force is having a movie! bahahaha...
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update! [15 Feb 2007|01:46am]

i don't know what i'm doing on livejournal again. i abandoned this for some time. yeah. i know.

well. there's nothing really new, except that jamie and i are making a music video for YYY's "Maps."

we figure some footage from the poetry slam this month should do it.

if DEVON should come along here, see if you can make it to the poetry slam on the 27th. it's going to be huge. and i might convince Erica to go. so then we will all be together then tralalalalalLALALALALALALALA.

1:50 AM! Woot!
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oh my fucking goodness [21 Jan 2007|02:08pm]
"hey so are you going to get ME my birthday present for once? you haven't in the past five years and maybe you should set the record this time c'mon what's your problem i get you your birthday presents every year and i dont get anything in return what's the deal c'mon"

at times like these i wish i were devon so i could yell all sort of obsceneties at beatrice without my parents coming by to snap my head off. oh my fucking god i'm going to kill that spoiled bitch. it is IMPOSSIBLE to get that bitch a present even if i wanted to get her one. i ask what she wants and she tells me and then i'll say that i'll go get her that then and she starts whining "BUT THEN IT WONT BE A SURPRISE ANYMORE"

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KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME [19 Jan 2007|12:06pm]
these are officially the most evil cramps i have ever had in my stupid life

they resisted antibiotics and ruined my finals


little children sing eerie lullabies in my head but that's okay ill demand another encore when i go to sleep oh and rhymes are pretty and they are quite the circles, gee, gee, gee, hmm i wonder if i could spit out any more evasive such and such and such, oh well, ive been a bad kid a bad spoiled stupid kid so i kind of deserve whatever hell this is ugh dreams last night were weird and made the people from the OC and Amanda Bynes drown in niagara falls which i guess is kind of sinister? but whatever a robot came out of nowhere and I HATE ROBOTS GOD FUCK THEY SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME and he kept poking me in the neck with his ARM and i was like OMG OMG STOP TOUCHING ME but he kept talking about this key in the FOREST and i was like what FOREST there are two yellow buildings and me and these people were like okay whatever we'll do what he says but we wont know why so we go into a yellow building that turned out to be a library looking for some weird book and these librarians looked like old women but they made random spitting sounds like ROBOTS AGH GET THEM AWAY FROM ME so every time they got near me i did the whole duck and cover thing but they gave me the book which was pretty sweet although i didnt know why i wanted it and then the huge robot thing came back AGAIN and was like okay okay now you have to go find the "key...thingy...you know...the THINGY" and i was like god damn it could you be any more retarded but i didnt say that because i didnt want him to get all vicious and vicious robots scare the crap out of me thank you horrible disneyworld experience for doing that to me so we go out and such then i woke up

im not sure if i want to go to sleep again. maybe ill watch invader zim then sleep. invader zim is so funny. i heart jolly boots of doom. and whatever other ridiculous little phrases they say.
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"my nemesis is...ORGANIZATION MAN" [13 Jan 2007|03:42pm]
oh, what do we have here?

paper clips and post it notes...

a new binder with a green star sticker...

five stacks of books and more stupid post it notes and clips...

what's all this commotion and preparation all about?
is the apocalypse under way, or is it...is it...?
jesus christ, it's the weekend before finals!

i thought all of this looked amusing when i was done "prioritizing" and such
i've never organized this well before finals so i thought id take some pictures
but of course this is to better identify with my asiany self. asiany rhymes with raisiny.
sort of.
god damn it i hate finals
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tralalalala [08 Jan 2007|08:08pm]
ap physics teachers frighten me now. the thought of falling fifteen feet doesn't bother me which may be bad because im repelling in gym tomorrow. standardized tests are just like OMG ABCDEFGHIJABCDEFGHIJABCDEFGHIJ and prolly fifty more times. the fact old guys go through something like menopause doesn't surprise me. the words "asylum" and "quarantine" creates sour white pears in my head. i have three or four tests on wednesday and the fact that im unprepared is my fault, so be it. playing checkers and chess was something i did during indoor recess in elementary school and now i could care less about it.

saying "hmmmm" all the time is definitely annoying but i do it all the time. headaches hurt more when i see tiny words all bunched up in thick textbook paragraphs. i don't like apples until i eat them. the fact that some of my favorite bands are mainstream doesn't bother me anymore and i feel better about listening to what i want. i get scared when i think i hear either of my parents running in the downstairs hallway so i immediately pretend to be doing something productive. today in class we talked about Emerson's piece on "self-reliance" and when he asked who felt like they were self-reliant or selfish, i admitted that i was selfish. im not sure if i tell the truth all the time and a lot of times i think it's better that i lie because it doesn't make any difference.

looking at people and forgetting everything you know about them, except for the way you feel about them, can be wonderful.
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peh. [23 Nov 2006|07:26pm]
shit. i double posted today. well. for good reason.
i've also decided to get missy, devon, and eric christmas gifts.

i know what i want to get missy.
might give devon an album from her wishlist.
i have absolutely no idea about eric.
i figure that i'd get him an ironic t-shirt that says, somewhere along the lines, that he is a gamer loserr. hah. that's right.

i also saw 2 shirts from catandgirl.com that amused me. maybe i will get one of them instead.

according to catandgirl.com it says "Chinese is not my native language"

which one shall it be...
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roarrrrrrrrrr [23 Nov 2006|12:07pm]
you know what i'd really love? to go to this.

ah, the dandy warhols. bringing together good old musicians.
now if only my parents were more lenient, they'd allow me to start winter break early (on the 15th)
and fly off to portland to see this awesome event

bah. well. i suppose i'll wait until the next time the dandys come to chicago.
which might be soon!? after they finish recording that album?!

the emptiness in the middle of huntington plaza makes me sad.
there's something new. "the coffeehouse"
mike and i agree that it won't last long
but nevertheless it looks like i might be going there once it opens
because you know, it's coffee. it's near my house. it's inevitable.
when i think of the word "inevitable," i think magnets
magnets sound like rodents
draaaagnets. dragons. margot. marcie. shoes. loose. moooose.

i was just on the recordbreakers site. i looked at some of the pictures of the venues they're planning on opening up.
sounds pretty kickass.
i checked their store for Barbed Wire Kisses by the Jesus and Mary Chain. it wasn't there. grrr.
i also must get Beck's The Information. i didn't even know that the album existed until a few days ago. where have i been lately? i'd go get it now but Breakers isn't here. uhhh.
dad came into the room to show me this 12" he has of some Beatles tribute. it looks pretty good. it's a compilation of their early songs. i wish we had a record player. dad says though that it was stolen in north carolina back in 1986. when he got insurance money to buy back the stuff that was stolen he didn't get another record player. gah.

my mind feels dull. i feel like i'm self-narrating in spaced out fragments.

in the background i'm hearing a yoga tape playing. one of my parents is obviously doing yoga. yogaaaaa....yoda.....ooopaaaaa

agh. i better start doing stuff now. it's thanksgiving morning. no one can really hang out. family wants to go see the penguin movie. sweet.

wheeeee penguinsss
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devvv?!? [14 Nov 2006|08:55pm]
without devo, livejournal starts to lose its zing.

i say we start the Dream Wars to bring it all back.
now if only i could remember my dreams anymore.
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yay david bowie [12 Nov 2006|09:47pm]

finally. something about that ridiculous bunny comic actually makes sense.
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yeah? [11 Nov 2006|11:53am]
where has DevOn gone?

what the fuck was that smell in the upstairs school hallway yesterday? ugh, smelled like pure and utter shit.

when is the next time an awesome band/musician will come to the chicago area? i wanted shoot myself for not even knowing that bob dylan was coming the sears centre a couple weeks ago.

why did i feel like shit when i finished that short story?

why can't i even begin November's Straitjacket?

why can't i shut up? or rather, talk like a normal person? but i don't really know what that means. i have no idea what i'm talking about.

why is it whenever i talk, i'm only met with odd looks? why is it that i can't talk to someone without feeling like they wanted to get rid of me even before i opened my mouth?

why can't i stop wearing that shit-eating smile?

god. i'm tired. im going to take another nap again. so tired. i'd been sleeping 2-3 hours a night. if i ever have children, and that's a big...if...., i will make sure they don't ever ever take honors or accelerated or AP classes. then i will at least save them from sleep deprivation and such and such trauma generated from a mixture of realizing one's own laziness and regret and frustration and angerrrrr.

unless that's what they want. then. sure. whatever. but that's not realistic. is it?
i'm afraid that if i think any further i'll realize that i'm a hypocrite again. then my conscience will try and commit suicide again.

i honestly need to listen to it more. even though it hates me. maybe that's why i should. if i listened to it more, would i be a better person? i really don't know what i'm talking about and it looks like i wont be able to the movies today because i woke up way too late to make plans. at least, that's how i feel. i wish i were allowed to go out later. then i wont have to worry about trying to hang out with people in the afternoons. people are still trying to wake up even then.

hopefully ill wake up sometime soon. ugh. fuck school. fuck these lowercase letters. fuck everything. i'll feel better later.
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feck? [02 Nov 2006|08:56pm]
i've been saying "feck" all day. it sounds nasal, but my nose feels fine today. maybe it's because my leg muscles (curse you, P.E.) are in pain right now. jesus christ, it's making me contort my verbal obscenities.

started on a new short story. yeah. the one for sampson's class. i think it might either be really good, or really shitty.
i don't think i want to read this out loud though. ever. it's weird. because i do like the ideas i put into it.
it's just that...agh...i don't feel like explaining. i'm tired and it's only 9 o'clock.
i still have a fecking (shit!!!) physics test to study for.

but anyway, here's a lovely link dinan sent me:


tee hee.
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neeeorp [31 Oct 2006|01:08am]
unless something changes in the next fourteen hours, i think i'm just going to stay home on halloween and pass out candy to children.

children. CHILDREN.

ugh. why didn't i plan out something awesome?
i think i asked devon online if i could go over to meadows.
but...she didn't ANSWER OMG.
if i don't have an ap gov test tomorrow though,
maybe ill go to jamie's house.
or maybe even missy's if i'm lucky and my parents are nice enough to drive to meadows.
but i find that highly unlikely.

i should really be working on that short story for creative comp.
but it's like 1 in the morning.
i feel bad. because i haven't been working hard at all.
and sampson's been really nice to our class.
maybe ill spend my halloween writing the short story.

this morning was odd.
i kept pacing in and out of my room thinking that i dropped or forgot something.
i was like that on saturday too.
it pissed me off because i felt like that for the rest of the day.
it's not a good feeling when you think things are continually falling out of your hands even though you're not holding anything.

it's not a good feeling either when you suspect that someone thinks you're oblivious
i notice that a lot. my word choices are simplistic, agh, i know, but i really don't want to think about that now.
it's just that whenever i'm in class and everyone's talking and shit
there always seems to be one person isolated from everyone else, quietly working on something
while at the same time glaring at everyone out of the corner of his eye.
i used to be like that. maybe i still i am like that. yeah, i probably am.
i don't know what's the best way to describe it
it's a horrible way to be though.
i don't know if i like thinking about it, but it bothers me all the time.

i should really get off this fucking blog before i start to hate myself intensely enough to go on a long stream of rants that altogether generate noise equivalent to the bitch who does the narration of laguna beach (which, thank god, beatrice has not been watching lately. unfortunately she has now found the delights of Everwood.)

but before i go, i need to add:

Ajooni is FUNny.
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